Once a very close friend flaunted his meeting with a new intellectual quote “A person is what he does in his free time”… Hmm… I reacted ..savoring on or usual Mexican bonanza pizza that we often indulged into at our favorite Joeys. Inside a bored voice said” Oh come on, Now they would also evaluate your free time” … and gulped coke down my always fizz quenching throat. “May be” and I quickly changed the topic.
Today again, out of nowhere I am reminded of the conversation and wonder - what I’m watching defines me or what I’m looking for defines what I am watching. Somewhere in the tryst for an adequate job , back into my adobe where everyone else has moved on in last few years and the ones that I just left behind are moving fast , I lay somewhere exactly between Delhi and Mumbai with a new obsession.
The obsession is what I watch these days. With no more digression I admit that its typical Chic entertainment .. Sex and the City .. And before you gals giggle lemme tell you this secret , I am actually doing a rerun. Taking strength from the strength of these women. Quoting unquoting their conversations I take comfort in that line when Carrie makes the Hubble quote “May be some women are not meant to be tamed and are to run free till they find someone to run with just as wild” or relate so much when she quips “I’ll never be as perfect a woman who wears white dress without spilling over it“…and ya what a laugh it is when Miranda and Carrie discuss about those girly gals who wear make ups to the gym … I know my girls love that scene too.
And in a similar manner amidst the woods of an absolute virgin hill station at a wee hour I obsessed– “ You remember that scene when Carrie says that if Eiden and me survived the crash of 1929 then nothing could go wrong“ .“C’mon we are still in a different country, culture and independence levels. You’ll have to be a little more practical. You can’t live by their rules” My close aide jolted me. “And above all it’s a work of fiction “
True so much it is. And here came the thought– what and why am I watching something so much so that I’m practically starting to believe in its rules. And then I was just not sure if I was giving myself another illusion for the momentary comfort from the reality around. When we delve into fiction is it only to entertain ourselves by enjoying reflection of what we want to be or restore our beliefs into what we want to believe. Again I say what I’m watching defines me or what I’m looking for defines what I am watching.
How else can the superhero obsession be explained. What about those friends of mine who look at a racing car or amusement park rides and imagine their loved basic instinct series. When my dear friend prefers James bond to all superheroes because he gets to keep all the girls [not to mention a woman’s attention is the highest kick for him].
Was I creating a parallel world that all in the end would be good and nice. That in the end every Miranda would become a partner in her firm and gets to be with imperfect Steve and every Carrie after being a great writer ends up with Mr. Big even if he marries someone else. May be I was comforting myself with some manohar kahaniya and not facing the reality. May be I should accept what comes my way and leave what has gone as lot of people advice every day. May be I should just accept that all cannot be as perfect as fairy tale and separate fiction from reality
But then would we not lose faith in futures. Would we not just become a set of beings with prosaic realities and compromises and would we all not be watching only NDTV 24 by 7 only. I still don’t know if my new obsession is so because I’m seeing myself in that or it’s the comfort I am looking for but it does restore my belief in myself is what I know.
And what better way to end what I am saying than reminiscing a walk down the Juhu street amidst those designer buildings when one of my classmates exclaimed “ Hey we are walking like one of those SATC girls “ and then shrieked “ What are you guys, I am so much Charloette”, “ Shruti is absolutely opposite to Samantha “ said the woman who all women in my class loved .. Where and what exactly I am I could not figure out but what I watched definitely made a mark on me is what I figured.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Breaking free from that inertia
“I have too much energy and time at hand and no clue what to do in it.” I exclaimed “There is nothing that engages me mentally enough” is what I claimed as one of my biggest problem . And the worse is that I’m bored of my hobbies too. Yes, to much of my horror, I am bored of working out and reading as well. And to top it all, I have never been as free since 8th standard… Ya not even in school.
Having been out of touch for a long time this buddy of mine still saw me as her school companion who would dirty her hands in everything. “You used to attend those commercial art classes remember or something like that,” … “remember those plays, scripts, debates “she went on … and “those events” she buzzed with enthusiasm.
“Which world is she talking of?” I thought with an utter sense of disconnect. Was she talking of me I pondered. I walked back home thinking she just has no clue as to what I have grown into and completely wrote it off.
Then one day while cleaning my cupboard stared back at me a piece of writing … A writing that we all took proud in the last year of our school…. Yes my dear old fellas I am talking of that play of Khushi , Tanya , Riya and Simran ( I can already see a smile on some of your faces.. may be sometime we can get together and read it , I still have it)
And then I felt, how is that at that time we never cared of how the work would shape out but carried on just because we enjoyed it. What was it that was stopping me from trying my hands at something I left long back? I realized that I was just not sure and cared more about not being able to write well than just the fact that I may enjoy it.
But what the heck yaar I thought “I might just not get this kind of time ever again”. And before I again get lost in the grind of daily routine lemme just see how bad could I be .So my dear friends here I go ahead to trouble you with my blah blah and an amateurish endeavor. And you thought you could get some respite that we don’t see each other that often anymore!
Having been out of touch for a long time this buddy of mine still saw me as her school companion who would dirty her hands in everything. “You used to attend those commercial art classes remember or something like that,” … “remember those plays, scripts, debates “she went on … and “those events” she buzzed with enthusiasm.
“Which world is she talking of?” I thought with an utter sense of disconnect. Was she talking of me I pondered. I walked back home thinking she just has no clue as to what I have grown into and completely wrote it off.
Then one day while cleaning my cupboard stared back at me a piece of writing … A writing that we all took proud in the last year of our school…. Yes my dear old fellas I am talking of that play of Khushi , Tanya , Riya and Simran ( I can already see a smile on some of your faces.. may be sometime we can get together and read it , I still have it)
And then I felt, how is that at that time we never cared of how the work would shape out but carried on just because we enjoyed it. What was it that was stopping me from trying my hands at something I left long back? I realized that I was just not sure and cared more about not being able to write well than just the fact that I may enjoy it.
But what the heck yaar I thought “I might just not get this kind of time ever again”. And before I again get lost in the grind of daily routine lemme just see how bad could I be .So my dear friends here I go ahead to trouble you with my blah blah and an amateurish endeavor. And you thought you could get some respite that we don’t see each other that often anymore!
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